earlier this week, i arrived at the Christian school i teach at to find these rainbows. it took quite awhile for both to appear...and you will be able to tell that my panoramic view of them below didn't come out perfectly...but i thought it was cool nonetheless. within two minutes of those last shots, the sky was clouded over and the rain had returned, but i was left with a song in my heart and a reminder of all of God's promises...and my tendency not to remain faithfully trusting in them. that day did not turn out to be that spectacular...i still faced the same struggles with others as well as the inadequacies in myself. but, they didn't discourage me to the extent that they have before...because my mind was dwelling on the great God that i serve, instead of on myself.
now, i can't say that i kept that mindset throughout this week. ashamed, i admit that many times my reactions to situations were very far from what i just described. but, as i write...i have been humbled repeatedly over the past couple days--whether by reading some friends' blogs--listening to their hearts, talking to others, or looking deeper into my own reactions to...oh, so many things.
in teen sunday school this morning, a new teacher was starting off a series on biblical leadership with the youth....but, he happened to mention the example of peter in his introdutory lesson and his example of getting out of the boat. my mind began to wander...as i thought about where i am...where God has brought me. i began to equate the steps of faith (which weren't perfect by ANY means) which led to my teaching at home with my getting out of the boat, which is also far from a perfect comparison. and that made me realize that i'm sinking...the struggles, the frustrations, the daily disappointments, the dashed hopes, the immaturity of students, the immaturity of myself, the wit's end to which i so easily come...the wind and the waves have drawn my attention. for so long i have been struggling with how to deal with each of these areas of sin and despair...focusing so much on myself, my thoughts, my discouragements, my weaknesses, my methods of reaching the hardened souls...not realizing that at the root of it all is my lack of looking to Jesus. i've cried out to Him so many times, but they were in selfishness...not in complete trust of His character, His promises, His timing. when will i stop putting my God in a finite box that i so easily trick myself into being able to grasp?
I was reading this morning from Psalm 31...i'll end these thoughts with some truths from there:
(forgive the KJV...it's what i have in front of me)
"In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness...For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name's sake lead me, and guide me...Into thine hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O Lord God of truth...Have mercy upon me, O Lord, for I am in trouble; mine eye is consumed with grief...For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing: my strength faileth because of mine iniquity...I am forgotten as a dead man out of mind: I am like a broken vessel...But I trusted in thee, O Lord: I said, Thou art my God. My times are in thy hand...Oh how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee; which thou hast wrought for them that trust in thee before the sons of men! Thou shalt hide them in the secret of thy presence from the pride of man: thou shalt keep them secretly in a pavilion from the strife of tongues. Blessed be the Lord: for he hath shown me his marvellous kindness in a strong city. For I said in my haste, I am cut off from before thine eyes: nevertheless thou heardest the voice of my supplications when I cried unto thee. O love the Lord, all ye his saints: for the Lord preserveth the faithful, and plentifully rewardeth the proud doer. Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord."
so...there's a peek into my heart today...naturally selfish, needing humility, looking to God's faithfulness and His promises, praying that my hope may be in the Lord...my trust may be in His goodness...and my goal would be Him glorified.
now, i can't say that i kept that mindset throughout this week. ashamed, i admit that many times my reactions to situations were very far from what i just described. but, as i write...i have been humbled repeatedly over the past couple days--whether by reading some friends' blogs--listening to their hearts, talking to others, or looking deeper into my own reactions to...oh, so many things.
in teen sunday school this morning, a new teacher was starting off a series on biblical leadership with the youth....but, he happened to mention the example of peter in his introdutory lesson and his example of getting out of the boat. my mind began to wander...as i thought about where i am...where God has brought me. i began to equate the steps of faith (which weren't perfect by ANY means) which led to my teaching at home with my getting out of the boat, which is also far from a perfect comparison. and that made me realize that i'm sinking...the struggles, the frustrations, the daily disappointments, the dashed hopes, the immaturity of students, the immaturity of myself, the wit's end to which i so easily come...the wind and the waves have drawn my attention. for so long i have been struggling with how to deal with each of these areas of sin and despair...focusing so much on myself, my thoughts, my discouragements, my weaknesses, my methods of reaching the hardened souls...not realizing that at the root of it all is my lack of looking to Jesus. i've cried out to Him so many times, but they were in selfishness...not in complete trust of His character, His promises, His timing. when will i stop putting my God in a finite box that i so easily trick myself into being able to grasp?
I was reading this morning from Psalm 31...i'll end these thoughts with some truths from there:
(forgive the KJV...it's what i have in front of me)
"In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness...For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name's sake lead me, and guide me...Into thine hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O Lord God of truth...Have mercy upon me, O Lord, for I am in trouble; mine eye is consumed with grief...For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing: my strength faileth because of mine iniquity...I am forgotten as a dead man out of mind: I am like a broken vessel...But I trusted in thee, O Lord: I said, Thou art my God. My times are in thy hand...Oh how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee; which thou hast wrought for them that trust in thee before the sons of men! Thou shalt hide them in the secret of thy presence from the pride of man: thou shalt keep them secretly in a pavilion from the strife of tongues. Blessed be the Lord: for he hath shown me his marvellous kindness in a strong city. For I said in my haste, I am cut off from before thine eyes: nevertheless thou heardest the voice of my supplications when I cried unto thee. O love the Lord, all ye his saints: for the Lord preserveth the faithful, and plentifully rewardeth the proud doer. Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord."
so...there's a peek into my heart today...naturally selfish, needing humility, looking to God's faithfulness and His promises, praying that my hope may be in the Lord...my trust may be in His goodness...and my goal would be Him glorified.
